jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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