His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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