sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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