And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
