She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
