your room smells of hookers.
And success
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
