I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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