hotel room ftw
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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