Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
