Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
