I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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