Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
