I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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