do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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