we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
