Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
