You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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