can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
