So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
