I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
