Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
