There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
