You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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