please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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