I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize