I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
