Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
