Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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