Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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