Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How external is "for external use only"?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
