I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
