someone threw a dead crab at me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
