Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
