i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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