Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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