Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I didn't notice because vodka
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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