at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
