Is it because I queefed?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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