yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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