Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
