last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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