Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
