Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
