And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
