idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
