thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize