she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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