i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize