I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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