dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
