Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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