I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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