Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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