I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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