she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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