i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
