Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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