woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
