I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
