does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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