the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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