This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
