I wish my penis had an off switch
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
