kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
