Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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