Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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