She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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