You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
