is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
