Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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