YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
