it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
