I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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