you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize